Deal or No Deal

Sometimes it seems like I spend my life making decisions and forming alliances - with family, friends, employers, and coworkers. Sometimes I think the way the world operates has changed the way I communicate. I have fallen prey to a very self centered, self serving way of communication. Yesterday, I realized how severe my "You do this for me, and I do this for you" communication style had become.

As I was leaving the house to rent a movie, I glanced at the staircase. Seeing two brown envelops with government cheques enclosed within it had become a familar sight for me. When I glanced at the stairs, I was expecting to catch a glimpse of these envelops. However, my eyes met the dark brown hard wood floors. There were no envelops! There was no trace of my cheques on the stairs!

I began to panic. Putting my renting aside, I searched all over the house. Unsuccessful after ten minutes, I whispered what I thought to be a prayer - "God, if you help me find my cheques, I will recite one Ya Seen". I continued my frantic search. 40 minutes later with cheques in hand, I realized I had promised to recite 3 Ya Seens and pray one two rakaat namaaz.

As I began thinking about the events of the night, I am pretty sure my whispers to Allah were not prayers, but what I had been doing was striking deals with God. I began to feel like I had been in private episode of "Deal or No Deal". The sad part about this is I know Allah has nothing to gain from my reciting Ya Seens. The only gain in this deal is mine. Yet as I sit to recite my prayers, I am filled with "aaras".

I hope this will be my final "Deal or No Deal" episode. Prayers to Allah should be done with joy and to praise, not to serve my selfish needs.