The Storm

There was a storm brewing inside me today. This whole week, I have tried really hard to let things slide, to trust myself and not let things bother me. 

So as always my youngest woke at 6 (strike 1) and refused to eat breakfast (strike 2). I let her sleep longer this morning because, well, why not! She refused to settle for her afternoon nap, crying for ages (strike 3)! 

At this crying point, my eldest walked in from school and as always, started chatted happily. What did I do? I took my frustration out on her. Barely able to focus, I couldn't give her the time she needed and deserved. I told her, "Look, I'm stressed! Don't bother me." What did she do? She gave me space. 

I carried on working, cooked and tried to compose myself. She started talking again. What did I do? The same thing. What did I say? "Look, I'm really angry today.  Not at you, but I'm angry". What did she do? Reluctantly, gave me more space.

My heart was racing. Everything was bothering me. As the afternoon wore on, I got more and more grumpy. By this point, my eldest was picking up on my energy, refusing to say her prayers and being really ridiculous.  I thought I am going to flip. 

Then while my daughter said her prayers, I said my prayers too.  As I prayed, I picked out mistakes in her prayer - too fast! too unfocused! too much! The storm had reached my throat now. I visualised giving her a real telling off after my prayers. I was so involved in myself, in my anger and in my frustration,  I didn't realise that actually, I had made plenty of mistakes in my prayers. Not only did my daughter notice, she asked me to explain my prayer to her. Whoops! 

As I closed my prayer mat, I felt calmer and more collected. I don't know if I was it the prayer or the mistakes that humbled me but I am so relieved that I calmed down. If I had given her a telling off today, I would have been in the wrong today.

There was a storm brewing inside me today.  It cleared and I am so glad it did. 

Would you believe it if I told you that she just apologised for her behaviour - unprompted. Hmmm....  (sigh of relief and happiness).