The Worries

 I worry. A lot. I am trying not to but I do. And when I worry, I rely on good old Google to provide the solutions to my worries.  I can spend hours reading about other people's experiences and reactions to things I am going through. I like to strategize about how I will tackle the issue at hand and when I get in panic mode, I write the plan and stick as rigidly as possible to the plan. 

What's the world crisis I am resolving today you ask... sleep! After a month and a half of sleep training, Noor ( my 9 month baby) is now sleeping in her cot without white noise and a swaddle and most importantly, without me shooshing and patting her. YEY!

So what's the problem now? 5:45am wake up! What should I do? So many contrasting opinions - feed/don't feed. Earlier bedtime/ later bedtime. Overtired/undertired.  How the hell did our parents do it? They didn't have Gina Ford telling them to wake baby up after an hour! 

While I am trying to allow myself to relax about it, Google and I were already strategizing under the sheets this morning as I prayed vehemently for her to go back to sleep.

It's really easy for me to say, I'm not going to worry. I do. A lot. I have a plan in place and I am sticking to it. Perhaps I need to rely on my intuition to help me resolve this? The plan isn't working anyway. It can't get worse than this can it? ( I hope I have not challenged the God of Early Rising to show me how much worse it can get!)

The problem is I'm scared to trust my intuition.  How can I be right when Google and the thousand sleep consultants say otherwise? And every time she doesn't follow my carefully thought out plans, I feel I have failed and the cycle starts again. Bin the old plan. Begin trouble shooting. Worry Worry Worry. ANGER! BLAME! SNAP! Produce New Plan. A moment of peace.

Will the cycle end?