Wednesday, October 10, 2007

The Move - Questions - A post that went unpublished

This post went unpublished. It was written about a year and a half ago. I remember sitting at Somji and Company writing it at the speed of light. Reading it today and rereading the post I have just written, I can truely say that I have grown. Reading through this post, I am aware of the grammatical errors and sentences that dont quite make senses. I am tempted to change it but I think to be true to how I was feeling at the time, I will not. The post has left unfinished. I dont know why - maybe it was awaiting a post that act as a balm to make it better. Whatever the reason - it was left uncomplete, my emotions and questions were raw. I hope you will enjoy it.

I have moved - where to, I hear you ask (well, most of you already know) - Dubai!

Before this experience, anytime I heard someone was moving - I asked those typical moving questions.

"How do you feel about the move?"

"What are you going to do there?"

"Are you excited?"

And if I was close to the person "Are you ok with the move?"

When you are the one doing the asking, you feel like you are the only one smart enogh to think of those questions , you are the only one who has taken the time to ask these questions. It is the quesioners way of showing support.

For the first time, I was the responder. I was overwhelmed with how many times I was asked - "How do you feel?".

I had the standard reply downpacked - "You know, taking it one day at a time" or "I am not feeling - just working". By the time it was time for me to leave, these questions were breaking me down. I heard my real thoughts and feelings being voiced.

Really, while I acknowldged the concern and support of these questions, most times I didnt really want to talk about the move. Denial was a good place for me.

Arriving into Dubai, I was scared. I know I always say this - but really, I was scared. I honestlty think the reason I was so frightened was because I had talked about my feelings so much. These questions make you realize all your fears and multiplies them.

Dubai brought fresh faces, but the questions were stale. I got the revamped moving questions.

"How are you settling in?"

"How do you feel about the move?"

"What are you going to do?"

Really, I dont know what I am going to do! I am scared and the more you ask me - the more frightened I get! I see my skillset I developed so eagerly over that last few years fleeting right before my eyes. I cannot remember how to drive, how to cook, and most importantly - how to teach!

How to say all this to a person whose name I can barely recall?

I dont have any solutions however. I know what made me the move easier though.

The overwhelming amounts of "I will miss you" I heard. Even if it was fake, it was nice to feel irreplacable for a few days.

The well wishes. These came in form of words voiced, cards, facebook messages and hugs. It sounded something like - "Good luck", "I will pray for you", "Take care of yourself" and "Thank You". I loved the occasional hugs I recieved - tight but gentle - telling you everything you needed to hear without having to say a word.

The food - I loved the hanging out with people you had been meaning to hang out with for all your life, but never really got chance. I loved the hanging out with my friends and my family.

The smiles :) :) :)

The words of encouragement - "You can do it"

Text messages, emails and facebook messages from friends and family from Toronto home(I have to figure out what is home - Mombasa, Toronto or Dubai - can all three be home?)

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